Tuesday, 27 February 2024



A essência de mim


Quem não se deleita em dar asas ao que iniciou?

Porém nem sempre a vida continua. A vida muda sem pedir licença. Adaptar é viver.

Aprendi a ser feliz de muitas maneiras. Às vezes dou comigo a pensar...

Dizem que a vida segue um molde traçado no céu. Não vale a pena tentar entender...

Eu nem sempre entendi os caminhos que percorri e porque os percorri...

Sigo em frente, com a certeza que no meu âmago eu sou quem sou e nada mais.

No meu percurso, encho a vida de tudo e de todos; o meu lema é " sorrir a cada dia".

Amo a todos que trilharam e trilham o caminho que percorro.

Nos entretantos, do meu dia a dia, eu sonho. Sonho, com um passado que não foi; sonho, com um presente que não é; sonho, com um futuro que gostaria que fosse.

A alma á procura , sempre á procura daquela que fui...

No meu coração tão cheio de vida, deixo os sentimentos moldarem o meu dia.

Por vezes, sinto uma juventude avassaladora a envolver-me a mente e a alma.

A rebeldia de ser jovem outra vez, possui-me como que a exigir, que o meu corpo hoje cansado,

rejuvenesça, e, eu volte a ser aquela mocinha nova que um dia eu conheci.

A alma pronta a abraçar a vida, a mente pronta a dar e a receber, com o vigor

da mocidade.

Tento ocupar o meu espírito revolto.

Esses dias de sonhos encantadores são tumultuosos, cansam-me.

Pego em mim mesma, e saio a pé pelos caminhos lindos e calmos da vila onde vivo.

Vou à procura da minha juventude interrompida.

Aquela que deixei do outro lado do mundo.

No fundo do meu ser uma imagem prevalece...

Sempre... sempre ... lá está...

No meio do bulício do meu cérebro, a imagem aparece!

È como uma visão que me alegra e distrai do presente que sou agora.

Afasto-a...

Nego-me a olhá-la ...

Olho o lago, sigo os patos que nadam , ouço os pássaros que cantam,

deixo a brisa do dia refrescar a minha fronte , e o sol beijar-me os lábios..Sento-me num banquinho, as pernas a pedir descanso; os olhos fixos no lago calmo

de tons de azul e verde onde se reflectem as nuvens, brancas e belas ...

A minha alma... Ah! A minha alma, essa, vê a imagem flutuando dentro de mim;

uma baía de águas azuis , um bando de flamingos cor de rosa,

um peixe que salta, miúdos brincando na areia, um rapaz trepando a palmeira,

silhuetas de barcos de pescadores ao raiar da manhã, ondas mansas entoando a canção do mar...

e muito ao longe vozes ...

Vozes chamando por mim num suspiro surdo...

Sempre...

Sempre aquela imagem, do que foi e já não é.

Sempre aquela imagem, que me tolda o presente, como uma neblina constante, ou como

uma imagem de fundo de palco de teatro onde se esqueceram de mudar a cena.d

Tento arrumar aquela imagem distante num cantinho da minha alma...

Mas teimosamente, vejo uma mocinha que sorri para mim, ela flutua dentro de

uma bolinha de sabão brilhante de vida.

Uma cacofonia de sons despertam o meu desvaneio...oiço os gansos que chegam em revoada.

Por instantes, a imagem desvanece-se ... o meu intímo desperta.

O meu dia prossegue no presente da vida.

O telefone toca, a imagem dos meus filhos, das minhas netinhas, de entes queridos,

amizades boas, assomam á janelinha que seguro na palma da minha mão aberta á vida.

Sorrisos, palavras, que,me fazem viver com a energia que o coração me dá,

e que, os meus ossos roído de tempestades do caminho me permitem.

Rio e brinco, falo com entusiasmo, encho o dia da vida que hoje sou.

As horas voam... os dias passam...os anos correm...

O sol do fim do dia repleto de cores douradas chega e ilumina o meu jardim.

Sento-me a disfrutar da luz daquele momento que sinto ser parte de mim.

Por entre as nuvens de tons de rosa e laranja, encontro outra vez aquela imagem.

As mesmas cores, a mesma luz ecoam momentos que vivi.

Sempre... Sempre...

A mocinha que um dia nunca chegou a ser e que hoje ainda é.


Virginia Sousa

VSmile

Tillsonburg, 27 de Fevereiro 2024






Tuesday, 20 February 2024

The Eyes of the Marble Lady

 

At the bus stop. People waiting. Papers swirling in the air. Yellow petals raining from the Kassod tree tree. The morning subtle perfume lingered in the air. 

Warm days...Shiny days...rainy days...

There she was. Sitting on the bench, like a classic marble statue,

Her face was so perfect and beautiful.

I was just a kid, with my nun school uniform and my school bag...

A curious kid ...

Her beauty stricken me. I remember smiling at her and her lips smiling back at me.

Not her eyes ...no! No,  never her eyes...

There was an emptiness in them. Like two black holes...

Her eyes did not simile at all...They were carved on marble. Silent...Staring...but not alive!

I remember feeling sad for her...

Sometimes, I felt like hugging her...

She seemed to care for me...

I had a feeling, I couldn't explain...

Sometimes, I managed to sit next to her. But we never spoke to each other.

One day, she did not come to the bus stop...One week...One month...The years passed...

I grew up... I become a woman too. A married lady with kids...

I moved to another continent…I become a grandma...

I joined a Facebook group from my birth town.

Browsing through the pictures ... My eyes froze...There she was! The marble lady...

The picture showed the same perfect face from long ago.

The same sad and empty marble eyes...I could not contain myself.  Shyly, I  commented  on her posted picture.“ It is nice to see you. I know you from the bus stop. We used to share the same bus route. Hugs” 

To my surprise, she replied privately on messenger; 

" I loved your comment on my picture, thank you. I know you. You and your sister were the little princesses. I was a good friend of your mother. She was so full of life.

Such a merry and funny girl. She was too young to die...

I rushed to the hospital and gave her blood. It was already too late…

Those were tough times for women...Many women went the same way.

She was not supposed to die. She had two beautiful girls...

You were 3 and 4 years old...so innocent...so little. Your father loved her dearly... Both of them were two eternal lovers...

I should have died instead. My husband treated me badly. He kept telling me he loved me, but he was jealous of my beauty. He abused me for years. He is now gone, but my youth is gone too...

I never forgot your mom, and I never forgot the little princesses...It was how your mom referred to you two when talking with me.

Every time I looked at you when you were little... and even now… Oh! Seeing your pictures...I couldn’t and I still can't control the tears in my eyes. I see your mom in you... so happy...so funny... so full of life!  At least you are living and well. Be merry like she always was! Keep in touch. Big Hug. Josefa "

My heart raced in sorrow and surprise reading her words.  The marble lady had now a name. Her eyes were not made of stone. They cried.  

Finally, I met her … and I still would like to hug her. 


Virginia Sousa

March 2009/ revised in Feb 2024 

 


Sunday, 4 February 2024

It's cold outside. 

It's cold outside, 



Morning arrived. A pale ray of light squeezed through the blinds of her room.

The misty blue walls slowly reflected the day and Zulmira's eyes perceived the moment.

She turned her head on the pillow and denied the time. The bed was warm and cozy. From the street, the sounds of cars came to her muffled by the snow, like in a whisper. 

Zulmira's mind awoke, but not her eyes. Her thoughts were on the extreme winter. Her lips mumbled " Again snow! " She could tell by the silent street. 

The road was covered with snow. The entrance to her driveway with two or more feet of heavy snow. The removal truck always dumped snow along the sides of the street. That was so annoying to all residents, especially,  when they had just finished the task of cleaning their driveways.


Images of snowy days, and,  their challenges clogged Zulmira 's mind. She hugged one of the three pillows around her. From the other room, she could hear snoring. Her husband was still sound asleep.

"Good for him," she thought.


Zulmira opened her eyes. She struggled to move out of bed. Her pains and aches were always stronger in the morning. The face and neck pain, the right ear pain, the right shoulder pain, her right hand, and even her left knee were acting weird lately. 


Slowly she raised her knees. She stretched her arms and hands toward the ceiling.

She exercised her right thumb crippled by arthritis. She opened and closed her hands several times. Her left hand was still numb from sleeping. She felt the unpleasant needles and pins. Blood flowed again. 

" Zulmira it's time to get up! " she called herself with a harsh voice, her mouth dry and her lips thirsty for water. 

She sighed and repeated " Zulmira you have things to do, people waiting for you, let's go! Now!!!!" 

With pain, she got up. She sat on the edge of the bed, her feet barely touching the floor. It was a tall bed. The mattress was new. Firm as she liked. For years she endured pains in all her body. Many doctors and no solution. Sleeping became a challenge. But Zulmira concluded after many experiments that firm surfaces were always the best for her back. 

Mornings were an exercise on endurance and mind motivation. Her body didn't want to go anywhere and that was a fact. 


Zulmira's feet touched the floor. She stood up and stretched again and went to the washroom on account of her bladder needs.  From there she came back to her room and picked up one pill and gulped it with a full glass of water. This was her routine for more than 30 years. 

She had to take her medication without food and could only eat one hour afterwards. 


The alarm clock started. Zulmira expected it to happen, and,  silenced it immediately. 

Her husband in the other room kept snoring. 


Zulmira picked up the iPad from her bed. It was next to her pillow. She had read a book online until 2 am and just left it there.

She swiped open the iPad and touched the screen icon for weather.

" Again minus 20 celcius!  No! " she complained and a sigh of frustration came out of her chest. 

She went to the bedroom window and looked outside. A white fluffy sheet covered the neighbourhood. The sheet was 40cm thick. With so many snow storms and no low temperatures to melt the snow, the accumulation was huge. The backyard looked like a pool of snow. 

" One of these days I'm going to plunge into it. Maybe next time Alex is here for the weekend! It will be fun! “ she smiled with the images in her heart. 

Zulmira loved to play with her grandchildren. As a mother, she did that too. She participated in her son's games and encouraged them to play outside to experience the surroundings and let their imagination lead the play.

She would love to do that with her grandchildren more often. Life was complicated.  Distances were a fact of day-to-day life. They lived in different cities. 


Zulmira's eyes gazed at the sky. It was light blue with a few clouds to the west of her.

She moved from the bedroom to the office. The room faced the street. She looked outside. The street was covered with snow. The driveway too, but today she didn't need to shovel. She could drive out without having to brake her back to start the day.


"How many more years will I be able to endure the extreme winters and the commute to my work?  I like my work, and to think I may have to change it due to the commute !!! I don't want to think about it now. Let’s move your lazy booty  Zulmira. You are too slow this morning! " 

Zulmira had this tendency to talk to herself since she was a little girl. It was a way to make her make decisions and move on with her day. 

She walked to her husband's bedroom. 

"Manel, time to wake up darling! "  she gave him a kiss on the forehead. 


" What time is it? " asked Manel with his eyes still shut and a sleepy voice.


" It’s a good time to wake up to a lovely winter day. No snow to shovel so far! " Zulmira shouted happily while entering the shower. She smiled while the warm water hit her skin.  A good warm shower was the best thing to wake her bones in the morning. 



VS

Smile 

" It’s a good time to wake up to a lovely winter day. No snow to shovel so far! " Zulmira announced happy while entering the shoiled while the warm water hit her skin.  A good warm shower was the best thing to wake her bones and make them work for her nicely the entire day. " good time to wake up to a lovely winter day. No snow to shovel so far! " Zulmira replied Preparing to enter the shower. 

A essência de mim Quem não se deleita em dar asas ao que iniciou? Porém nem sempre a vida continua. A vida muda sem pedir licença. Adaptar ...